What I’ve learned about grief

A recent experience both informed and humbled me about the subject of grief. Here are some things I’ve learned -

-Every bereavement is utterly and exquisitely unique. No one can truly understand another’s pain. But people who have walked a similar path themselves have the gift of coming just a little closer, of not avoiding the subject. It makes for precious, meaningful contact.

-The kindness of people is incredible. Their showing up carries us in profound ways. All those words, hugs, messages checking in, gifts and generosity.

-Grief must be honoured and respected. Listen to what it needs. Don’t shortcut it - it will find a way to be heard.

-The phases and stages are more than a cliche. And they don’t run concurrently - they duck and dive. You might feel full of energy one moment and genuinely enjoying yourself doing something and in another moment some sadness hits. These are all states and they move and flow.

-Grief counselling/therapy has a place but consider also how to use all those listening ears and walks that are offered by others. A little processing at a time can be hugely benefitial.

-Grief can be intensively physical - the shaking that comes with a sudden shocking loss; the intense release of emotions; the fatigue that floors you. Your body works hard in this space and must be listened to.